I’m drifting away

So devastating

Wasting up my timeline

Giving up my lifeline

In your eyes I’m

nothing but a nuisance

Pleading to be a lover

A forced elevation

What would you say

I’m nothing but a joke

I’m secret entity

I’m living in a den  

I’m nothing but a slothing dust in your eyes

I’m just a sinking ship in this relation

So set me by the shore

And leave me all alone

Let tide come sweep me by

And end my misery

For all I ever want

Is just a glimpse of love

Is it little much to ask

So end my misery

Its been a year since I participated the FES national conference 2010 which was held on November. It was a life changing experience. One thing profound they did is that to write our self a letter. A covenant to God,that you wanted to achieve in a year. So I did and yeah,it was a year already. And today I got my covenant list back inside an envelope. And wow,did it made me overwhelmed. The covenant that I’ve made were kinda came to pass. What I want from God,to be close with Him. To experience Him in a whole new level,and yeah I did.

But it wasn’t a jolly road, I’ve made sacrifice. Sacrifice that even now,had left a deep scar in my heart. I have to leave somethings that did not please God. The bondage in me, the relationship,my selfishness.

If you asked me how would my year would be in the beginning of this year. Trust me, I never thought it would be this way. I lost something that I thought would never leave me nor me leaving it. A hard decision instead. I couldn’t serve a church who needed me. I was just going through the motion.

But as soon as I decide to go His way,the whole picture changed for the good.I am now indeed serving in a church who burns passionately for mission and glorifying His name. I’ve met awesome brothers and sisters in Christ which I would not trade for any diminishing bgr relationship (He knows the right time btw). And yeah,I would never thought that this would happen. The bad and the good.

I broke down the worst this year but I’m fixing,getting myself up and always I will.

But the best part is I experienced love in a whole new perspective. A love which has way better definition than anything nor anyone in this world could define.

This journey just started,and God I will always keep my faith and hope on you.

We just love to judge people by its cover. That’s a norm, knowing a person doesn’t take a seconds, nor days nor weeks. It take a long time and a huge effort. We tend to easily trust people and even ‘fall in love’ with someone and openly being vulnerable with them. We are indeed a being who desires compassionate. Everyone does. But we do need to know that we shouldn’t rush. I hope I don’t. And yeah,the cover thing,before you want to be attached with someone you might as well take time to read the contents of it first,the whole if it’s possible. Appearance can be deceiving. Beauty isn’t only the outside that matters. The outside beauty is a temporal one. It may fade,it may age,what’s last is the character within someone.As what proverbs 31:30 says Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. And I think this verse is not just applicable to woman. Man himself should not be judged by his charm.

One thing,get to know someone better. What’s with the rush. Surface isn’t enough.

It was raining the whole day . I don’t know why but such a gloomy weather would bring out the old memories in my mind and my soul. Unbearable. One thing I should know , these days are a norm. The past will come to haunt you. Should I do that . Shouldn’t I. What’s done had been done. But oh,of the road not taken. Keeping the overwhelming tears away from my sight. Life as it is is indeed a beautiful one. The way how you see determines your life,your joy and how you live your short and yet long journey of life. I met someone who reminds me of my past . A lovely lad and an interesting character. Cover is just a delusion. When you open it,the content is what matters the most. Everyone needs compassion, Everyone needs love, Everyone needs affection. But oh don’t ,don’t dip yourself in a dirty pool just to clean yourself up. It will never work that way and it will never will. Defining beautiful and yes I see you my beautiful. So lovely that it stunned me not to stain you. Let it come by itself.Oh the awesome choreographer, do your wonders . Let me smile now with the love that I had,have and will always have. For now, all I have I have and all I want will always be the all that I want but not the one I need now . Auto-pilot myself with the system of hope . You beautiful , stars is shining for you, at least that’s what I want them to do just for you. And yes, just for you.